Christine is a 28-year-old social worker living in Queen West. She says, “I try to be stylish, but I’m not always completely successful”; she describes her attire as “fairly casual” and says she has experimented with wearing more makeup. Christine says she’s “easy going unless I’m really anxious” and “funny in surprising ways.” She enjoys spending time alone, reading, doing yoga, hiking and cooking; with friends she likes to “go out to dinner or have a drink at each other’s house”. Christine is looking for a date with someone who has “self-awareness and intelligence” and who can be sincere and vulnerable.
When I met Andy, I had been single for a few years. I wanted to date someone, but I had tried the apps a few times with little success. I really didn’t feel that online dating was the way I would connect with anyone, but I also didn’t meet people elsewhere. I was somewhat stressed about how to make dating happen. As an introvert, I find it exhausting to ‘put myself out there’.
I had briefly met Andy several times over the years because we had a few friends in common. Every time I met him again, he wouldn’t remember my name, or have met me before. We never said much more than a short hello to each other. We started talking one night while I was helping my friend bartender. I remember thinking, “Am I flirting with this guy who never remembers me?!” We laughed a lot and I even told him about a recent nightmare I had. I had had a few drinks at the time. I was impressed that he wasn’t turned off by the somewhat dark turn in the conversation. I was definitely attracted to him.
Before our first date we went for a walk and lunch. I texted Andy after the date that I had a good time and that we should do it again. He suggested we have dinner and asked if we should go out or if I wanted to go to his house. I decided I wanted to go there instead of out, because I didn’t run into anyone we knew, because we were just getting to know each other.
I was excited but nervous for the second date, and was shocked to go on a second date at all. That usually doesn’t happen!
I brought a bottle of wine to his house. We quickly relaxed into the date. Since he was making fajitas we had an ‘activity’ so that probably made it easier. We talked about our families and jobs, among other things. We ended up opening a second bottle of wine. It all went very well.
Then, in our second bottle of wine, Andy mentioned that he wanted his next relationship to be polyamorous. This completely surprised me. Some of my friends were poly and it was something I had thought about before, but the bold way he expressed it as a wish he had, and the way he was so open and honest about it was something I didn’t expect. I told him that I had also considered it and could be open to it, but I was noncommittal. I tried to be casual, but I had so many conflicting feelings about what I really wanted, and we were still in the middle of our second date! I didn’t know what to say.
I stayed with him until 1am, talking and laughing, which is much later than my bedtime, especially for a Sunday. I was a little distracted for the rest of the night, thinking about what it would mean to be poly and whether it was something I would want to be with him, or even consider. I was nervous about whether or not I could do it, and handle it, especially since my dating life had been so inactive.
After our date Andy drove me home, and he didn’t even kiss me! I didn’t take a step either. I felt okay leaving every possible intimacy for later, until I knew a little more about how I felt and what I wanted. I left the date very excited and very curious and still very nervous about what was to come. I was confident we would have another date.
We had another date within the week and many more after that.
Christine rates her date (out of 10): 8