The best-case scenario for any date is for two people to fall in love instantly (or, more realistically, madly in love) and ride into the sunset together.
These are the dates that usually result in a nine or ten out of ten in the Dating Diaries, the Toronto Star’s popular relationship column. Somewhere between that and the one-or-two-of-the-ten dates are those that just don’t work romantically, but do end up in the realm of “friends.”
(If you have a story to tell, we want to hear it — details on how you too can become a dating journal writer at the bottom of the piece.)
Some dates actually start in the friendzone and stay there, which is what happened to “Evie” when her date “Brent”—a platonic friend Evie hoped to upgrade—brought another woman to their double date (which also made Brent’s rogue date into it). fifth wheel in the group). Evie wrote: “I know the whole ‘he’s just not into you’ concept very well known, but if your date, even platonic, brings a date to your date is just… I don’t know. I kept my cool my head as best I could.”
“Sherri” wrote of her date with “Owen” that it was “very good to just be on the date, talking and laughing” as a sort of “practice” date. They “talk for nearly two hours” about their shared interests of traveling and hiking, but Sherri was not attracted to Owen, writing that there was “just no romantic chemistry”.
Sherri noted that “Some men find it hard to hear that you just want to be friends”, but the next day Owen messaged her that although she was a “dynamic woman”, he “didn’t feel like we had potential.” for more than that.” Sherri wrote: “I was glad to hear that, thanked him for his honesty and wished him all the best. I was very grateful that he followed up. The truth is no shame.”
Even better? Sherri had an idea who Owen might get along with and put him in touch with a friend of hers, with whom Owen “lives happily ever after.”
Ideally, the feeling is mutual, but this was not the case for ‘Hank’ and ‘Trudy’. Hank says they “connected immediately” and had a “fun” first date, writing: “She loved to talk, so for once I didn’t cut the conversation. Under my guidance, the smartphone photos of our children and grandchildren inevitably appeared. I felt she was happy with the way our date was progressing.”
He was right. However, Hank – who had high and specific standards – “knew Trudy wasn’t the one. I was sure.” He says that if he had met her through work, “we could develop a friendship over time and then a relationship.” We’ll never find out.”
Sometimes a date is surprised to find that no romantic connection has been made, which happened abruptly! – to “Monique” on her date with “Shaun.”
She wrote: “Everything went well. We smiled, talked easily, and then Shaun said very earnestly, ‘You should meet my boss.’ I said, “Your boss?” He said we had so much in common and that his boss was a really cool guy and I liked him.” Monique thought it was “pretty cool” that Shaun was “already thinking about how I might get along with his co-workers. But then he added that his boss had recently called up his girlfriend and “wanted to go out,” and I realized he was trying to frame me on a date with me!”
Feeling naive, Monique wrote, “I’m pretty sure my reaction was an awkward laugh and an eye roll. Like, what was I supposed to say at that moment?!”
Shaun’s approach was clumsy, but “Samir’s” was worse: Instead of offering to arrange his date, he asked to make an appointment — sort of.
When “Valerie” met Samir after they reconnected on Facebook, she wrote: “It was great to see him. He looked really good. The conversation was good because we had a lot to talk about.” She wasn’t sure if she was attracted to him, but “I was happy to be out for once with someone I knew wasn’t a ‘Criminal Minds’-esque suspect.”
Strangely enough, the awkwardness grew as the date went on. Usually the opposite happens.” When Valerie “started to feel like we were both in the friend zone,” Samir asked Valerie why she didn’t bring her good friend “Nina” that night. Valerie “felt a little disgusted” writing, “I wondered if he was so uncomfortable with the situation that he suddenly didn’t want this to be a real date even though he confirmed it was before we went out. Or maybe he noticed I didn’t quite feel it, so he turned to save face.” Anyway!
“Meghan” and “Francesco” sent messages back and forth and decided to meet up to play sports together. Meghan wrote: “Gym dates are hit and miss. It’s a casual way to see if there’s any chemistry between you two, and they can be really fun and flirty – he sees you in tight clothes and sees you when you lift heavy. But it can be clumsy.”
It can also take “friends only” dating behavior to the next level. Francesco was “handsome, but not exactly my type.” Meghan wrote: “He asked me what muscle group I was working out that day. I told him I was doing shoulders, assuming he would do the same so we could train together. Instead, he said, ‘Cool, I do legs” and went to do his own thing. I thought that was rude – I had traveled almost an hour to get to his gym.”
It never got “fun and flirty,” as it turns out: Meghan wrote, “I caught his eye a few times from across the room, but that was it. He texted me when he was ready to go. ” Francesco eventually made a move, but only after inviting Meghan to his house to watch a movie, and did the most “just friends” thing: he watched the film.
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